Man Candy: 'til death or DMV do us part

Guest blogger, the right reverend Erik Elkin in front of,
I believe, the original "American Gothic" house, somewhere in Iowa,
a place for which I should know more location details, a place for which
I should have already visited, an artwork for which I can truthfully say
I have seen the original, it was awesome though it gave me the creeps
(looked like incest to me). However this blogpost is hilarious
and I give thanks to the extraordinary  Erik Elkin
for allowing me to post. I hope it makes you laugh.
 

Dear Bleeding Heart readers, as you know, this blog has been sorely at loss of humor for a very long time. I apologize. Thankfully, I'm able to troll Facebook for material and today came upon this gem of a guest post, brought to you by and with permission from, the indomitable storyteller, Erik Elkin. Enjoy!

Peggy (the presumed wife) received critical information today while attempting to get a Minnesota Driver's License. It turns out we're not legally married. The pastor never filed the paperwork. We just went through a rigorous series of background checks under new government lending laws to borrow money to purchase a house. But It took the fine investigative work of the DMV to figure this little nugget of information out.

She's really upset about it, on the verge of tears and the DMV guy says, "Don't worry, you can still take your test." Thank you Jesus for protective glass. As she tells me the story all I can think about is all the times we have been rejected by the DMV for not having the correct forms with us, this one takes the cake.

So, as Peggy is crying, I think to myself, I'm single! Hey, Ladies! In a predictable lapse of judgment at a critical moment I decide to blurt this out loud. You know, to make her feel better. She then reminds me about all the money Margaret and Eric Elkin have borrowed in recent years. Since Margaret Elkin does not exist, Eric Elkin must pay back all this money by himself.  

This gets her on a roll. She gets even more mad when she realizes, because I am male and did not change my name, Eric Elkin will not have to go through this humiliation. Which now all of a sudden has unleashed her feminist inner-tiger, complete with the claws and fangs of death.  It's no longer about me, but men in general. Since men in general are not in the room, I take the heat for all of them. Men get this, men get to do that, yada yada, yada... Peggy decides she needs to start making a stand for herself and declaring her liberation.

So short story long, Peg's got a date tonight a wealthy guy named, "Man Candy." And, I'm looking for a second job to avoid debtors prison. Damn you DMV!