Messy awesome kid

Seems like yesterday, but here we are celebrating the boy's 14th birthday. (I've been trying not to use my kids names in social media, fyi, after realizing how prevalent they are on Google searches, thanks to me, and after they specifically requested that they be removed from google searches, but posting your kid on the internet, like so many other parental actions, cannot be undone.)

I'm posting this picture with permission, and with great nostalgia for my children's childhood. We blinked our eye and now he's a teenager on the verge of high school and a driver's permit.

Just in case this gives the illusion that I've been a vigilant scrap booker ... sadly, no. It's one of a half dozen pages I've created to represent the past 20 years of marriage and motherhood. The will is there, by gosh. Scrapbooks, look out 'cuz here I come.

There's so much I could say about this time and place, summer, 2001, Baltimore, backyard. For now, I'll just say "we made it."

With love from yours truly,

Natural Born Bleeding Heart

Man Candy: 'til death or DMV do us part

Guest blogger, the right reverend Erik Elkin in front of,
I believe, the original "American Gothic" house, somewhere in Iowa,
a place for which I should know more location details, a place for which
I should have already visited, an artwork for which I can truthfully say
I have seen the original, it was awesome though it gave me the creeps
(looked like incest to me). However this blogpost is hilarious
and I give thanks to the extraordinary  Erik Elkin
for allowing me to post. I hope it makes you laugh.
 

Dear Bleeding Heart readers, as you know, this blog has been sorely at loss of humor for a very long time. I apologize. Thankfully, I'm able to troll Facebook for material and today came upon this gem of a guest post, brought to you by and with permission from, the indomitable storyteller, Erik Elkin. Enjoy!

Peggy (the presumed wife) received critical information today while attempting to get a Minnesota Driver's License. It turns out we're not legally married. The pastor never filed the paperwork. We just went through a rigorous series of background checks under new government lending laws to borrow money to purchase a house. But It took the fine investigative work of the DMV to figure this little nugget of information out.

She's really upset about it, on the verge of tears and the DMV guy says, "Don't worry, you can still take your test." Thank you Jesus for protective glass. As she tells me the story all I can think about is all the times we have been rejected by the DMV for not having the correct forms with us, this one takes the cake.

So, as Peggy is crying, I think to myself, I'm single! Hey, Ladies! In a predictable lapse of judgment at a critical moment I decide to blurt this out loud. You know, to make her feel better. She then reminds me about all the money Margaret and Eric Elkin have borrowed in recent years. Since Margaret Elkin does not exist, Eric Elkin must pay back all this money by himself.  

This gets her on a roll. She gets even more mad when she realizes, because I am male and did not change my name, Eric Elkin will not have to go through this humiliation. Which now all of a sudden has unleashed her feminist inner-tiger, complete with the claws and fangs of death.  It's no longer about me, but men in general. Since men in general are not in the room, I take the heat for all of them. Men get this, men get to do that, yada yada, yada... Peggy decides she needs to start making a stand for herself and declaring her liberation.

So short story long, Peg's got a date tonight a wealthy guy named, "Man Candy." And, I'm looking for a second job to avoid debtors prison. Damn you DMV!

 

Seeking security in my own backyard

Hello, dear friends. I hope this blog post finds you well and safe and secure. I've been thinking about security lately, mostly because it's one of those things that you don't know you have until you don't have it. Some of you may have been reading the posts that I've uploaded on behalf of my dear friend, Heba, who lives in Cairo, the capital city of Egypt. She and her family live close to the city center, close to Tahrir Square, and so they are very front and center of the current events there, helicopters, soldiers, blockades and all.

It seems so very far away from where I write this post -- my back deck with the sounds of birds and cicadas as the evening sets. I am not afraid for my safety, although last weekend when I slept outside in the tent it occurred to me that there might be some backyard marauders who would swoop down on my little faux-camping escape and attack me. Even though I was approximately 50 yards away from my back door, the fresh air and the glorious nature gave way to genuine fear, or loneliness, or silliness, and I packed up my pillows and headed back into the house.

The funny thing is, when I trudged up the stairs to our bedroom at 2 a.m., feeling all stuffy in the house after being outside (I was feeling very James-the-cat, who prowls around all night every night) there was Bob, awake and standing there as if he was anticipating that my backyard adventure would be over soon. Stuffy indoor-air aside, it was very nice. I have no idea how we can be that in tune to awaken at the same time of the night.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, personal security. Many of us live in a time a place when we can hardly imagine what it's like to feel genuinely unsafe, for the most part. That's why I feel so worried for Heba.

I remember after 9-11, back when I had my international job, how many people sent messages of condolences to my organization. 9-11 to us was a big deal because we had never before experienced such an attack, however to many, many people who sent messages of love and support to my former employer -- people from places like Indonesia, Uganda, Tanzania, Kenya, the Phillipines, Colombian (and on and on) -- such acts of aggression had been already painfully experienced. They knew what it felt like. They wanted to reach out and offer a word of love.

Anyway, here I am, in my back yard, warm air, cool breeze, orange sunset, and full of you, dear readers. Feeling safe, and feeling hopeful. Feeling full of concern and solidarity for my friend Heba, and everyone who lives in some sort of state of insecurity. (As my professional work involves constantly seeking funding for domestic violence survivors, I think also often think of these folks. That's been a whole other eye opening experience.)

Thanks much for coming over to the Bleeding Heart blog.

With love from yours truly,

Natural Born Bleeding Heart

P.S. Speaking of personal security -- I am feeling sick at the verdict just handed down for the Trayvon Martin case. Apparently it's Ok in Florida to chase down an unarmed kid doing nothing but walking through a neighborhood and gun him dead. I feel sick. I feel sick.

Urgent message from our friend Heba in Cairo

An urgent plea directly from Heba, delivered in real time: 

"The pro-Morsi protesters are moving now towards the ministry of defense – very close to my house and the military troops are blocking the roads so they don’t have to get into clashes with protestoers…a strong rumor that there will be a terrorist attach on the international airport…terrorist operations are taking place in different cities mostly in Sinai killing military solders… the American government is pressuring the release of Morsi … we always see the movement of Morsi’s supporter timing with the American  interference and demands in its support to MB…please keep Egyupt in your prayers and if your voice can reach your government, please ask them to stop supporting terrorism otherwise Egypt will soon turn into another Syria."

Friends, if you have a minute to email, call, or write your U.S. congressional reps (here's a directory  http://www.contactingthecongress.org/) this may be a good time. Although not to be pessimistic, but I think the moment by moment decisions on foreign policy engagement with Egypt are not seeking or needing congressional approval. However, our voices may make a difference in a long run. The message would be something like "I urge you to let the Egyptian people make their own decisions about their leadership. Please do not support Morsi." 

Thanks! 

And also, please post your messages of support for safety and peace to Heba and her family here. Thank you.

With love from yours truly,

Natural Born Bleeding Heart

A perspective from Cairo: Heba speaks

I'm pleased to post these words below from our dear family friend, Heba Mussad, from on the ground in Cairo, Egypt. For a little background on about our friendship, I invite you to this post of a few years ago, Heba, Habibi. Also, you may wish to search "Heba" in this blog and my previous blog The Snake Charmer's Wife, for additional posts involving Heba. 

Heba's words:

It’s 5:40 am Monday 8th July, 2013. I have been awake since 5:00 am. The sounds of helicopters and military planes hovering over Cairo’s sky and ambulance sirens all around woke me up early in the morning. What’s going on? Is it another terrorist attack on the peaceful demonstrators who were camping in front of the Ministry of Defense to support our military in which the Muslim Brothers and western countries call it a coup?

I stood in the balcony watching those helicopters hovering and giving me a sense of security that I have been missing for two very long years. How did Egypt reach this point of unsettled life? How come after we used to live a peaceful and safe life, we now feel unsafe and terrorized on Egyptian streets?

I went back to my memories. How could lying be so easy? Is that how politics work now? Lies? 

Two years ago, on 25th January, 2011 a large number of young Egyptians went out on Cairo’s streets asking for justice, freedom and dignity. That was all what they were asking for. They were normal young people who dreamt to live a better life. Normal young people who want to be better educated, find a decent job, get married and have their share in life and a better future for their children. Just like any normal human being. Because of a stupid corrupted regime that was ruling the country, the people of Egypt kept demanding for more and more political actions to be taken until it climaxed with the demand that president Mubarak steps down.

We were surprised to watch Obama supporting this revolution, giving us a speech every 10 minutes as if he had nothing else to do except enabling this revolution to succeed. We thought of how lucky Americans must be to have such a democratic president. We thought he felt how we felt. “He supported Egyptians! What a man!” However our joy didn’t last for long as we noticed that Obama began to support the Muslim Brotherhood and aided them to take over. We, the older generation, who knew of this international organization’s bloody and terrorizing history were about to go crazy. How could they rule Egypt? All the secular parties worked so hard to prevent it, but due to a high percentage of a poor and illiterate population, the Muslim Brothers used religion to persuade the people to vote for them. To make the story short, the Muslim Brothers and their allies who called themselves Islamist, took over. We witnessed a year of chaos and flounder like we have never seen in Egypt before. The only good outcome of it all was that those who voted for a religious leadership regime to rule the country became aware that they have done something terribly wrong. They could see, very clearly, that such a mix between religion and politics does not work no matter what. Egyptians discovered that they were deceived and trapped. Lies, lies and more lies were being spread everywhere. People started to see that the old regime was better after all. Every government institution was falling down. The economy was getting worse. None of the new regime’s promises were fulfilled. All what they care about was their party’s political empowerment. The young Egyptians who started the Revolution of January 25th were imprisoned as well as many other opponents, protestors, media reporters, writers, artists. Public security and safety was downfallen. Egypt’s foreign relationships, almost with every county, were getting worse. Crisis after crisis occurred. Gas shortages put all means of transportation on hold for days, economic inflation affected the homes of millions under the poverty line, electricity and water supply shortages were all over the country as a result of sending large amounts of solar to the Gaza Strip to be paid back to HAMAS, the Palestinian branch of MB who helped the MB to escape from prison during the revolution.. People were sad and frustrated not only with the regime but also with the opposition who could do nothing … their hands were tightened.. 

In the midst of all this a tiny light of hope started to grow.. a group of young people formed a petition … they called themselves “Tamarod”, that is rebellion in Arabic, … they asked Egyptians all over Egypt to sign this piece of paper asking to change this falling regime … it was like a safety little boat to Egyptians … Tamarod collected over 22 millions petitions … they arrange for all Egyptians to demonstrate on 30th of June 2013 … we all went out to protest against such a fascist regime … all society layers, families, women, men, children, young, old, poor and rich… Egyptians are asking for the president of the high supreme court to take over for an interim period to form a new civil and secular government ….. the military had to step in in order to force Morsi to step down … do you know what was the first thing he did when the commander of the military force gave him an hour to think about it? … he called Obama for help… his people called all European countries to make it appear as if it is a military coup … CNN did a good job spreading this lie.. I believe many other TV channels did the same…

MB are rallying a large number of people in some of Cairo’s streets .. they are threatening to spread terrorism all over Egypt .. they are claiming that Christians and the old regime is leading this second revolution .. so they burned 2 churches in El-Minia a city south of Cairo.. they kill young people and claim that the Military is doing so … they are provoking the soldiers so they may get into clashes … I have never seen the Egyptian police and military soldiers so patient and calm, dealing with civilians in such a decent and wise way … well we all learned the lesson ….. 

… How come that lying can be so easy?... How come that TV channel broadcast the anti-Morsi millions protestors who are standing in Tahrir square as pro-Morsi demonstrators? … Google earth anticipated that the number of Egyptians who were on Egypt’s streets and squares were over 33 millions … How can people lie as if they are drinking a cup of water? … why? May be politicians can answer this question … but until then we Egyptians are out on all Egypt’s streets and squares demanding for those who terrorize us to leave our beloved country … demanding that America stops interfering in our business… we know how to run our country .. we know what we want and how to get it… so if USA agree .. welcome … if not, just keep it to herself and mind her own business…. No one appointed her to be our guardian … unless .. she has other purposes …

We may discover later on that we made a mistake here or there, as we did before … but who doesn’t? … we learn from our mistakes … 

Helicopters are still hovering over Cairo sky … but I’m sure that it will be over soon ….. 

P.S. an hour later I learned from the news that it was MB attacking the Republic Guard who protect Morsi in his restricted residency early in the morning, 5 minutes driving from where I live .. trying to make it appear as if the military is attacking them…. Lies … lies and more lies to come … but I’m sure that it will be over soon …..

*

Thank you, my dear Heba. If any of you, lovely Bleeding Heart readers, would like to ask Heba a question, feel free to post it in the "comment" section below. Heba is about ten hours ahead of us in time, and has a full blown working-mother schedule, however she will be happy to respond as possible. Check back regularly.

How to end something that never began

The fireworks are winding down and the crickets are chirping up this fourth of July evening on our back deck. Our house resides in between two strong neighborhood associations so the explosive celebrations are going on all around us, it seems. I'd like to blow up a mattress and sleep outside tonight because -- ear comfort aside -- it is so refreshing to be outside and to not have to work tomorrow. These days, holidays are more about rest and less about commemoration for me.

I was thinking about the funny dichotomy the fourth of July has for me, especially as I walked about one of the local celebrations. There's a real neighborhood feeling with people out in their yards with family and friends, grilling, playing bean bag yard games, hanging out at the carnival that smells like funnel cake, setting up for fireworks viewing. It's neighborhood feeling for them, but I feel more like the observer.

I thought about the backwards way I spent my younger years. Backwards in that when I was cute, free, and in my twenties I lived in austerity in a small town whereby the average age was 65 years old (supposedly according to the recent census, but now that I think of it, I have no idea if that was really true). A few years later I lived in hopping New York City, with an awesome international job in Manhattan, and most of those years were spent swollen belly preggers and/or as nervous maxed out new parent. Seems like that should have been turned around somehow.

I thought of those days today because I heard on the radio that the Statue of Liberty was reopened today for the first time after Superstorm Sandy. Of course that statue is smack in between Brooklyn (where I lived) and Manhattan (where I worked) and it also happened to be the view from my hospital room (in Queens) when I was laid up with placenta previa (placenta blocks the cervix, thus dooming both baby and mother to bleed to death upon childbirth -- not a big deal with proper health care, big deal without proper health care). I remember crying when the doctor said I had to stay home from work for one month. I literally bawled. Makes me laugh now because Bob's response to my trauma was to buy a new television "for my convalescence."

I've been reading Dinty Moore's "The Mindful Writer" (after looking at it sit upon my desk for a whole year because its such a pretty little book) and its full of good stuff. But there's one juicy little tidbit that I've been especially chewing on. He says that for your writing to work you must have pure motives, you can't write for the purpose of revenge or to "get back" at someone. I'm not sure how he knew I needed to read that as I've been plotting for a long time now to write in revenge, having to do with the aforementioned former job that my doctor saved me from for a month (although the vengeance-inducing episode didn't occur until years later). I even have a draft of a sucky essay called "My Saboteur." I have no idea what I would ever do with that essay if it ever got good, but so far the only thing good about it is the title. And I don't like the title because it makes my saboteur sound cool, and my saboteur was actually a coward. I've known for a long time that I need to let it go -- or at least not write about it, thus enshrining my saboteur on paper forever,  wasting ink in printing it out. Or maybe I need to find another way to write about it, that doesn't involve revenge, maybe that's what would make it good. In the end, we are all cowards at one time or another.

Anyway, the bugs are starting to crawl all over my laptop screen and I'm taking that as a sign that this post needs to end, especially since it didn't really have much of a beginning. Oh yeah, the fourth of July.

Love to you all! Thanks so much for coming over to my blog. I truly appreciate it. And I hope you and yours are all having a wonderful summer.

With love from yours truly,

Natural Born Bleeding Heart