Is that the sun or is it your smile?

In honor of my dentist's birthday, I'm posting a blog post I wrote last year (October 3, 2012), about my trip to the chair.

True confession, I plagiarized that blog post title. I totally stole it from my dentist, who happens to be a writer. Yes, you read that right, my oral health practitioner is a writer. My tooth doctor blogs. My cavity healer tells stories.

"I didn't know you had a dentist," you might be saying.

Valid point. Before noon today, I didn't. So you can imagine how relieved I was when Dr. Snavely told me that his office is not a judgemental one. He assured me of unconditional acceptance after I told him it's been a while since I'd last been to the dentist. (Six or 15 years, however you want to count it.) It was a relief to know that I wouldn't be reprimanded for my sinful oral health behavior. Seriously.

And then Dr. Snavely invited me to wear dark sunglasses. That's the part I liked the most. Those shades protected my eyes from the florescent lights while looking straight up to the ceiling during the exam. But they also protected my dignity in light of such pathetic preventative dental history. I could write a whole meditation on my personal dental life story, but we'll save that for later. (Or you could chat with my mom). The dark glasses kind of covered it all up, at least metaphorically. Or at least they helped me relax.

It has been six years (or 15 however you count it) since I'd last seen a dentist before today, and dang, things have changed. Not only was Dr. Snavely kind, gentle, and non judgemental -- he was all high tech. He has this camera on the end of a stick that shows images on a computer screen right in front of you. So as he describes the condition of each tooth and surrounding maladies, you can see it live on the screen. It is an information geek's dental daydream: to observe the inside of your mouth in live time with dynamic commentary by a trained expert who can explain the status of your inner mouth in terms you can understand.

You're right, I don't have a dentist. I have a decay whisperer.

Which brings me back to the issue of plagiarism. You see, Dr. Snavely not only practises dentistry, he also writes about it. Like all writers, he seeks to understand it, to explore it, to share it. Today I ran across a piece whereby he mentions a couple teeth whitening methods in a post called, "Is that the sun or is it your smile?" (Title, here.) How could I not steal that blog post title? How could you not want a dentist who would write that? Plus, I seriously didn't know that teeth whitening was available to regular folk like me but now that I am dental empowered, I'm thinking about it. I'd like to have sparkly white teeth.

All this to say, if you're in Greater Des Moines and looking for a dentist. I have a recommendation. Check it out: http://www.snavelyfamilydentistry.com/2011/05/is-that-the-sun-or-is-it-your-smile/

Thanks for coming over to the Charmer Blog.

Cheers, T

School Office Conundrum

She's a senior in high school now, but here she is in fifth grade,
otherwise known as her duck tape stage,
when she hand crafted purses, wallets, skirts, and other items
from sturdy, sticky strips.

My daughter is now a senior at Roosevelt High School in Des Moines. Here's a post from a year ago, when she started her junior year. I feel the awe of parenting.


One of her toddler dresses was the color of watermelon. Green and pink with white zig zag piping and black dots like seeds. It had a matching hat. I miss those cute little girl smock dresses my daughter used to wear. We pass through a department store children's section and I still long to buy another one today. She was cute then.

But you know what? She is fun now. As it turns out, the teen years offer as much innocence and inadvertent humor as the pre-school years when my girl would wonder about things such as, "Why are we going the right way?"

These days the funny material comes from her newest thing: working the principal's office during first hour in school. Answering the phones. Helping the secretaries. Filing paperwork. Coordinating students. Typical office stuff. My interest is surely self serving because I've done so much office work in the past 20 years or so. But still, she cracks me up with reports like:

"Mom, they gossip a lot in that office."

and

"Mom, people call crazy mad about the bus company and I have nothing to do with the bus company."

and

"Mom, we had to pass out student ID's this week and it was a madhouse."

and

"Mom, it took me a while to figure out how to transfer calls and I think I hung up on some people."

Sounds pretty normal to me. I have mixed feelings about her office work. On one hand I'm glad she can get the experience. On another, I hope she gets a dose of it then runs as fast as possible in the other direction. I'm reminded why I rarely answer my own phone anymore. My tenure of office work plum burned me out of answering phones, never knowing what the caller was going to say, always knowing that I had to figure out on the spot a way to answer even if there wasn't really an answer. You spin a response on the spot. Receptionist linguistic Olympics. I think I've really made it because I don't have to answer the phone in my current job. For my daughter it goes something like this.

Her: "Roosevelt High School, student speaking, how may I help you?"

Caller: "The bus is late! I want to talk to the principal!"

Her: "The principal is on another line with the bus company."

Caller: "The X@#!% bus is late, I want to talk to the principal now!"

Her: "The principal is on another line resolving the issue with the bus company right now. Can I put you into her voice mail?"

Caller: "The X@#!% bus is late, put me on with the principal!!!"

Her: "But if I put you through, the principal will have to discontinue her conversation with the bus company and thus, not resolve the issue, which is probably the very same issue you are calling about." (OK, she didn't really say that but just thought that response out loud to me.)

That was her first day answering the phones, also her first day of 11th grade.

The only problem is she answers phones during first period, which is the same period that I usually call the school to say that my kid will be late (most always because of me being late in getting her there). Do you see my conundrum? My kid is now the one answering the phone line you call when your kid is going to be late. And the reason your kid is late is because you had to pour another cup of coffee, feed the cats, change your shirt, sleep five more minutes, check Facebook, or whatever valid reason.

The other day my daughter told me that one of her classes was discussion non-verbal communication and political speeches. The teacher showed convention speeches of Paul Ryan and Bill Clinton. They observed the uses of hand gestures and eye contact. "Those guys like to point," she said. But towards the end she was loosing interest in the long speeches, she said.. She was falling asleep in class and apparently wasn't too impressed by Clinton's spellbinding command of relevant factoids. I admit to unabashedly watching every minute of the Democratic National Convention I could, like an idealistic big-eyed puppy who cuddles up close to the we're-all-in-this-together mentality.

Since my daughter and I were on the topic of convention speeches I mentioned that Iowan Zack Walls would be speaking. "He's the one who testified at the Iowa legislature about having two mom's," I said to my speech-analyzing daughter. "Remember, it went viral on You Tube."

She said Paul Ryan was charismatic and could really hold a crowd. "Paul Ryan talked about marriage a lot," she said.

And then it was a slow motion moment. You know, when you see something click. When the air shifts and the person you're with stops and thinks "wait a minute" in a cartoon bubble above her head.

"Wait a minute," she said, "What do they say about marriage?"

As in who can and who can't, who's legitimate and who's not, who's in and who's out. As in, she got to that glorious place beyond the non-verbal communication and wanted to explore the real communication. What are they all really saying? She knows and loves gay cheerleaders, got a good dose of anti gay bullying talk at the ELCA Youth Gathering, plus we watch Glee and have friends at church in committed relationships. So civil equality genuinely holds her interest.

I think in that moment, she realized that a single word can mean two things, depending on who says it and what their record is. Details matter. Marriage on prime time this week was way different than marriage on prime time last week. And I didn't even get a chance to chat with her how different again marriage is in the Bible. (Put it this way: definitely not one man, one woman.)

My lunch break was going long and I had to rush back to my office. I would've loved to continue the conversation because for that moment, she was into the discovery.

I remember another adorable toddler dress. It was light blue denim and had layers of ruffles. Like a denim wedding cake she wore with sneakers. The dress was play-in-the-dirt sturdy so she could rough around while still looking cute. She always was that blend of girly and its anti. A be-ribboned cheerleader who slobs around on weekends. She used to painstakingly dress up her Barbies and then methodically rip off their heads. Presently, we have a box full of decapitated dolls in the garage. We have a house full of dilapidated hair paraphernalia tucked in corners and drawers.

Who knows what children think or how they'll turn out? I have a lot of hopes, but really I have no idea. For now I'm simply enjoying the ride, grateful for every moment. These days when I need a little laugh all I have to ask is this: "So how was the office today?" I might get a some gossip, the transcript of a nutty phone conversation, or I might hear something like this:

"Mom, I like office work but I don't think I'll sign up next semester. I'm taking a class instead."

Huh? It took me decades to get to that place.

Thanks for coming over to my blog.

With love from yours truly,

Natural Born Bleeding Heart


Cheers, T

My War Shelf

This week for fun I reorganized my books and realized we have a war section in the living room. Since we are already talking about the next tax-paid conflict, I thought I'd pass along this excellent reading selection, straight from our living war shelf.

Here goes, from left to right on this picture:

The Bottom Billion, by Paul Collier (This book is not explicitly about war, but rather about the reasons why a billion people on this planet remain in desperate poverty, mostly due to reasons around war. The author is an Oxford Economist, so you could say this is almost like an international socio-economics textbook).

The Forever War, by Dexter Filkins (This New Yorker writer has much experience in Afghanistan and Iraq. He writes like a reporter, not so creative, but super wonky if you're into analysis. Plus, have you ever thought how a team of soldiers defecates while doing house to house searches? He describes it in detail, and it ain't pretty.)

Memories in Mosaic, edited by Maria Lopez Vigil (Letters and stories leading up to the assassination of Salvadoran Archbishop Oscar Romero, smack dab in the middle of presiding over communion, aka, body and blood of Jesus Christ, paid for my the tax dollars of yours truly.)

Jarhead by Anthony Swofford (U.S. Marine writes about his tour in Iraq. He's such a good writer that he went on to Iowa Writer's Workshop after he returned. You probably already know that the Iowa Writers Workshop is the premier writing program in the world. Yes, the world. Anyway, I really liked this book, probably because I love the literary memoir style so much. He's written a couple more books, which are on my list.)

The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien (Critically acclaimed memoir about Vietnam. The book is a collection of stand alone essays that work together to tell a greater story. It's exquisite. You must read this book.)

War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning, by Chris Hedges (If you can only read one book on this list, I'd say read this one. Author talks about his addiction to war, why we love war, and how he got out of the business of war. Since he's a classics scholar, he weaves in a lot of Roman and Greek mythology into his writing.)

Romero, a VHS-tape of my hero, Archbishop Oscar Romero, starring the late, great Raul Julia. (See earlier reference, Memories in Mosaic.)

All I Could Be, My Story as Woman Warrior in Iraq, by Miyoko Hijiki (Someone, send this book to Reese Witherspoon for her next movie project. Thank goodness there's at least one book written by a woman who served in combat, and combat she did, and writer she is. It was such an honor to meet this Des Moines-based author. Since I have her book on my e-reading gadget, she was prepared with this nice postcard of her cover art, the opposite side includes a personal inscription. I'm so honored. This book is so important and I hope you read it.)

Also, because I link propaganda to war:

A Handmaiden's Tale by Margaret Atwood
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (which I admit, I need to read)
Animal Farm by George Orwell

There you have it, my war shelf. I wish these books never existed, never had to be written, never needed to be recommended. But please let me know what you think, if you've read them, or if you have additional recommendations.

Thanks so much for coming over to my blog.

With love from yours truly,

Natural Born Bleeding Heart